


MY FATHER WILL- Wait WHAT?!

by ireallydowritelikeimrunningoutoftime



Category: A Very Potter Musical Series - Team StarKid, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A Very Potter Sequel, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED AVPS, Gen, Humor, I'm sorry if this scars you for life, Implied Sexual Content?, No I am your father, Nothing but crack, One Shot, Poor Draco, Poor Harry, Read at Your Own Risk, Spoilers, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, but too late I already wrote it, don't take this seriously, like what the actual hell, this is so weird, what happened after harry freed dobby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ireallydowritelikeimrunningoutoftime/pseuds/ireallydowritelikeimrunningoutoftime
Summary: I recently got into Starkid and I just watched A Very Potter Sequel, so I had to write this (if you've watched the musical I think you'll be able to tell what this is about from the tags)I'm sorry if this prompts unwanted mental images
Relationships: Dobby & Draco Malfoy
Kudos: 14





	MY FATHER WILL- Wait WHAT?!

As soon as Harry Potter freed Dobby, the house-elf knew exactly what his first action would be. After Lucius Malfoy had left the school and Dobby had thanked Harry Potter for his noble deed, he decided there was no reason to wait any longer.

"May Dobby ask for a favor from Harry Potter?" he asked, looking up hopefully.

"Er, sure, Dobby," Harry agreed, "what is it?"

"Dobby would like to see the Malfoy boy." Harry looked suprised.

"Malfoy? He treated you like filth!"

"As Dobby deserved, sir!" Harry looked as though he was about to protest, but Dobby shushed him.

"All shall be explained, Harry Potter! You are Dobby's friend, and Dobby will allow only his friends to hear his great secret!"

"Secret?" Harry asked, still puzzled. "But-"

"The Malfoy boy, sir!"

"Just a moment." Harry didn't have to look any farther than the dungeons; he found Malfoy outside of the Slytherin common room, talking with Crabbe and Goyle. "Malfoy!" he called out, already regretting participating in whatever it was he was helping Dobby with. "I need you for a moment."

"What is it, Potter?" Malfoy sneered, jutting out his lip. "I see you're covered in blood. Have you been killing Mudbloods, Potter?" Harry seethed, weighing the consequences of punching Malfoy in front of his goons, who would no doubt claim it was an unprovoked attack when Snape inquired. 

"No," he replied through gritted teeth, "Dobby needs you."

"Dobby? Why is _he_ at Hogwarts? Does my father require my presence?"

" _No,_ Malfoy, I told you. Dobby asked me to bring you to him. He's a free elf now." Malfoy's eyes widened.

"I suppose you played a part in losing my family our servant, Potter?"

"He wasn't your servant, he was your slave, and you treated him in a way no living thing should ever be treated. Now do I need to drag you to him myself, or will you stop being such a prat and follow me?" To his relief, Malfoy complied, though he glared at Harry the entire way there.

"Ah, Draco Malfoy," Dobby said once he'd returned. "Dobby is glad you came." Malfoy scowled.

"What do you need, elf?" 

"There is something Dobby must confess to, Draco Malfoy," Dobby sighed, looking Malfoy up and down. "Something Dobby would have told Draco Malfoy many years ago, had his father not strictly forbidden Dobby from doing so."

"Which is what, exactly?" Malfoy spat, clearly not thinking it was anything of the slightest importance.

"You see, sir, before Draco was born, Dobby, ah-" the tips Dobby's ears turned pink.

"What is it, Dobby?" Harry asked, intrigued. Malfoy said nothing, but clung onto every word.

 _"Dobby had an affair with his mistress!"_ Dobby gasped out in a strangled voice, and he hung his head in obvious shame. Malfoy's eyes looked as though they were about to pop out of their sockets, and Harry suddenly wished he had left Dobby and Malfoy alone.

"But- you can't possibly mean-" he choked out, face red.

"Oh, yes," Dobby said gravely. "Dobby regrets it most dearly, and his master was furious when he found out. He nearly strangled Dobby! But that was not the worst of it, oh no..."

"No!" Malfoy whispered, backing away. "No, no, no-"

"Yes!" Dobby cried out. "Has Draco Malfoy ever wondered why he has a fear of falling into the toilet? Or why Draco Malfoy has such a small-"

"STOP!" Malfoy bellowed, blushing furiously as he glared in turn at Dobby and Harry.

"Falling into the _toilet?"_ Harry spluttered.

"Shut up, Potter," Malfoy growled threateningly, still in denial. "I don't _care_ what you did before I was born, Dobby," he snarled, "and you are _nothing_ but a pathetic excuse for a house-elf!"

"No, Dobby is your father!" Dobby shouted. Having heard enough, Harry ran down the staircase as fast as his legs could take him, and wheezed out the password to the Fat Lady.

"Harry, mate, where've you been?" Ron asked him, startled by the sudden entrance. He caught a glimpse of Harry's face and sucked in a breath, concerned. "Harry, are you all right? Is Ginny all right?' Harry nodded, catching his breath.

"Yes, everyone's fine. But I am _never,_ as long as I live, going to get that image out of my mind." He briefly considered wiping his memory with the spell Lockhart had tried to use on him and Ron. To his immense relief, Ron didn't ask him to elaborate, just raised an eyebrow. "Trust me, you don't want to know."


End file.
